


I'll Be Fine

by Gothic_Lolita



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Dark, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Requited Unrequited Love, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers-centric, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 14:57:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12937713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothic_Lolita/pseuds/Gothic_Lolita
Summary: Tony was dead. And Steve didn't know quite how to handle it.





	I'll Be Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. I've been dark lately, haven't I? I'm... not in a good place. So naturally, I KILL OFF MY FAVORITE CHARACTER.  
> Oh well. This is very dark and angsty, you have been warned.

Tony's death was slow, according to JARVIS. He had internal damage, a concussion, and excessive bleeding, but it took almost an hour to kill him. Tony had spent an hour trying to reboot his suit, trying to get free. All while the rest of the Avengers didn't even know.

Steve could remember Tony's last words over the comms. They wouldn't stop repeating in his head.

_"I'll get the west wing, Cap. Don't wait up for me, my comm might go down. I'll be fine, easy in and out."_

_I'll be fine, easy in and out._

_I'll be fine._

_I'll be fine._

It had been almost three weeks, and Steve still woke up sweating with those words ringing in his ears.

It was supposed to be a simple mission. In and out, ambushing a HYDRA base. But things had gone so horribly wrong. The west wing's interior had collapsed, and the rest of the Avengers hadn't known until it was too late.

It was  _ **too late**_.

When Steve had finally gotten annoyed with Tony's absence on the field, he had gone down to the west wing, looking for Tony. 

Finding it in shambles didn't really worry Steve. Tony had a suit of armour, after all. But the longer it was taking Steve to find Tony, the more he felt... uneasy.

When Steve finally found the glinting red and gold armour, he felt relieved. Until he realized the arc reactor was void of light, and Iron Man wasn't moving.

It wasn't until Steve had ripped the faceplate off when the reality of it had sunk in. Seeing Tony's still, already cool skin, was enough to rip his heart out. 

Even now, it didn't feel real.

Steve had been the one to carry Tony's  body, armour and all, back to the Avengers Tower.

The funeral was even more so numbing. There was a low attendance, they all decided only Tony's closest friends and family were allowed. Seeing the coffin lowered into the plot, seeing the gravestone, that finally made it real.

Tony Stark was dead and buried. And there was nothing anyone could do about it.

It had taken the Avengers three weeks to finally gather together in the communal living room to watch a tape that JARVIS informed them Tony had prepared, in the case of his death.

Still, none of them was ready for it.

The video flickered to life.

"Hi, miss me?" Tony's grinning form appeared. He was standing in his workshop, wearing a tank top and jeans. The sight of it was too familiar, too homely. Video Tony shrugged. "Well, I'd hope you do, because if you're watching this... well, I'm a bit dead, aren't I?" There was a clatter, and Tony turned to face off-screen. "Dum-E, stop that. This is important."

Tony turned back to the screen, rubbing his hands together. "Well, I really hope that none of you ever have to watch this but if you are... we know what that means." He sat down on a stool, spinning around on it. "I just wanted to make this because... well, I don't really say how much I care about you all. Don't worry about all the legal stuff like my will, that's taken care of, I have a lawyer for it." He waved off.  "Anyhow, I've made individual tapes for each of you, programmed to be sent to you when you finish this one."

He stood up again, pacing and the camera followed him. "You know, I was alone, before the Avengers. Someone once told me I was a man who had everything and nothing. And you know, he was right." Tony ran a hand through his hair. "Sure, I had Stark Industries, and Pepper and Rhodey. But... damnit, I was a self-centred  _ **asshole**_. I didn't know what honour was, I didn't _ **care**_. My life was party, drink, sex, repeat. Then the Iron Man stuff happened, and I thought I... I  _ **thought**_  I could finally mean something. But..." He shook his head. "It wasn't until I met you guys, until I had a team, that I really knew I meant something. Because I was a part of something bigger, even if I didn't always feel like you guys needed me. I still worked hard, I still wanted to be a part of this...  _ **team**_."

Steve glanced around. Clint was already crying, silent tears down his face. Thor was sitting completely rigid, jaw clenched. Natasha was regulating her breathing, though her eyes were red and she looked seconds away from spilling. Bruce couldn't stop fidgeting as if he didn't know what to do with himself. Steve turned back to the videos.

"You guys gave me something, gave me a family. I never really had that, as a kid. Never had a place where I felt I really belonged." Tony paused, taking a sip of his coffee. "I was always the odd one out, the kid who was too smart for his own good, the adult who was too childish for his own good. But with you guys. With you guys, I wasn't Mister Stark. I wasn't-I wasn't Iron Man, I wasn't the child prodigy, I wasn't the-the billionaire genius playboy philanthropist." Tony gestured with his hands, then let them fall back down. "I was just  _ **Tony**_. Tony, the idiot mechanic who fixed everyone's gear. Tony, the guy who paid for everything. Tony, the one fueled by coffee and sarcasm. I was-I was one of you, an Avenger. That's...  _ **god**_ , that's always meant more to me than just saving the world. It's meant having a team, a family, around me. Whom I argue with, annoy, and piss off sure, but that's what  _ **family**_  is. And I learned that, through you guys." Tony smiled again, a real, deep smile that looked inviting and warm.  

"So I just wanted you to know that I love you. All of you. I love Clint's stupid hiding in my vents, I love Nat's habit of stealing everyone's clothing, I love Bruce's tea being left all over the place, I love Steve's excitement at understanding a reference, I love Thor's excessive addiction to pop tarts. I just, god I love you guys." Tony sighed, rubbing his forehead. "That's why I'm making this. So you guys know that you matter to me. Or, mattered I guess if you're watching this." He paused, thinking. "How do you wrap up your death note? I don't know. Just, if I have to say anything more, don't let it be without reason, alright? If I'm dead, don't let it pull you all apart. Don't do that to me. Don't rip apart the one thing I care about more than anything, okay?" He smiled again, but this time it was forced.

"So, I guess that's all! I'm sure I already miss you guys in death." He winked. "Peace." He held up a peace sign, then the video went out.

Steve stood up and ran to his floor. He couldn't be around the rest of the Avengers, couldn't be around anyone because the only person he wanted was the one he couldn't have.

It took Steve another week to work up the courage to watch his own private video from Tony. From what he had heard, Nat was the first one to watch hers, right after the one for all of them. Then Clint watched his video, then Thor, then Bruce. Steve was the only one left.

"Play it, JARVIS," Steve ordered, his voice shaking.

A holographic screen appeared, and there was Tony again, sitting on his stool.

"Steve," He sighed, spinning around. "Steve, Steve,  _ **Steve**_. This is my eighth try in recording one for you. Everyone else was easy -well, as easy as this can be- but you..." Tony scratched his head. " _ **You**_ , you always were different. When I first met you, I kept thinking to myself 'wow, I really wanna punch this guy's face'. But the more I got to know you, it somehow changed to 'wow, I really want to kiss this guy's face'." Tony shook his head, laughing to himself.

"And it's stupid, you know? To say you're in love with Captain America.  _ **Everyone**_  loves Captain America. Everyone wants to fuck the American icon, everyone wants Captain America. And that's what I told myself, that's how I tried to rationalize it." Tony started fidgeting, absently picking up tools and fiddling with them.

"But, then I realized something. I wasn't in love with Captain America. I was... damnit, I'm in love with Steve Rogers." Tony admitted, throwing his hands up in defeat. "I'm not in love with the stars and the shield. I'm in love with that smile you get when you're talking about 1940. I'm in love with your drawings. I'm in love with the way you talk about everyone deserving justice and safety. I'm in love with the man who would die for his team, who's just so beyond perfect."

Tony covered his mouth, looking away from the camera. "I never told you because... how was I supposed to, Steve? You've always seemed straighter than Clint's arrows, from the 40s, for god's sake. And I was just... just a man in a metal can, hiding from himself, hiding from you." Tony clenched his fists. "Damnit, I know I shouldn't be getting self-pitying in these, but I just...  _ **god**_ , I don't know what else to  _ **do**_. Maybe I'm selfish, but I hope you get to watch this because that means I'm dead before you are, and... and you know what keeps going through my head? I can't live without you, Steve. I  _ **can't**_." He shook his head, standing up to wander around the shop.

"So I guess that's what I need to say to you. I love you, Steve Rogers. And if it takes my own death to finally admit it, then..." He shrugged and offered a pained smile. "Here we are. I'm sorry if this weirded you out. But hey, at least we'll never have to speak of it if it did." His smile was forced. "I love you, Steve. Don't ever forget that."

The video went out.

Steve didn't know how long he spent crying on the floor, rocking himself until he fell asleep.

_I'll be fine._

_I_   _love you guys._

_I'm in love with Steve Rogers._

_I love you, Steve._

Steve woke up screaming.

Why hadn't Tony told him before it was too late? Why was Tony too afraid to admit it to Steve's face?

Because now, now, Steve would give anything to kiss Tony. To hold that perfect face in his hands, to wake up next to Tony, even if it was just for one morning.

Steve was ashamed to admit that he considered shooting himself in his head. He might've if it weren't for Tony's videos. 

If Tony wanted them to stay together, to stay a team, that's what Steve would do, even if it was killing him inside.

Tony wasn't fine. But Steve would be, or at least could pretend to be. He had to be. If for nothing else, to make sure Tony didn't die in vain. Tony would want Steve happy.

Tony would want it.

Steve would be fine. 

**Author's Note:**

> I came *this* close to ending this with Steve killing himself...


End file.
